… it’s so hard writing this blog post I don’t know where to begin.
So I’ll begin at the beginning.
When we first met I didn’t think you were anything special. You had a nice interface and cute little modules, but I wasn’t bowled over, I must admit.
No. It took a while, but then I started to appreciate you for yourself. You let me bring feeds together and split them apart. You helped me change the contents of feeds, filter them, edit them. And you enabled me to build a modular monitoring system, keywords separate from processing, sub-pipes that looked after blogs, others that scanned forums, videos, pictures…
It was plain we were meant for each other and our relationship blossomed.
But then those small tell-tale signs that I tried so hard to ignore became all too plain. Those ‘Connection refused’ errors (yeah right, who were you trying to kid?). ‘Internal error’ was another one that hurt. And I still don’t know how you could bring yourself to tell me that I had a malformed engine, or that you were unable to parse data. I mean, you told me early on in our relationship but I always thought it was a metaphor.
The more I talk about it, the more it seems you’ve been transgressing with other people too. Oh yes, they know all about your server hang-ups too, the way you time out on them, or even refuse to connect in the first place. You dirty dog.
So that’s it, Pipes. I’ve had enough. There’s only so much a semi-programming-literate copywriter can take. Go now, go. Walk out the door. Just turn around now cos you’re not welcome any more. Before I chase you down the road and smash your rear windscreen with a nine-iron.